It’s that time of year when our New Year good intentions get a bit tarnished – but I only made one resolution, and you can be damn sure it had nothing to do with giving up chocolates. Or the booze.
I found a couple that, for some reason I can relate to
1) We will not invade Earth again- aliens from practically all of 1996's SF movies (Independence Day, Mars Attacks and even Star Trek: First Contact)
2) I will read criminals their rights before destroying them - E. E. Doc Smith's Kimball Kinnison
Way to go Baby!!I have resolved, and it was easy to do so, never to watch Big Brother. One glance at the web, and even the dailies, is enough to convince me that I know everything I ever wanted to know about George Galloway. 
Even the Speaker of the House of Commons commented on George’s strange party habits, saying he would watch the programme ‘when he had time’
Don’t bother Mr. Speaker, the House is full of ‘interesting’ characters as it is.
But full marks to BBC2 and the new series of ‘Who do you think you are?’ Brilliant stuff, and the first one with Jeremy Paxman was a cracker. Of course, it’s a bit of window gazing into other folk’s backyards, but fascinating to watch the process of investigating your family tree, and Mr. Paxman himself, was a star turn.
For one thing he ticked the reporter off for asking silly questions – this is Jeremy you know, who is not a fluff-brain, serve the Beeb man right, so it did. Paxman’s reactions to some of the story he uncovered would hit a chord with most of us I guess – got me a bit as well.
‘Cause of Death – Consumption and Exhaustion’ She was 35. Like Paxman said ‘Don’t know we're born, do we?’
Me and the hairdresser agreed – Christmas had been a riot, we had both enjoyed ourselves far too well. And as Kelly pointed out, I had started my Christmas a good fortnight before everyone else.
She didn’t have to mention that – All right, may have tackled the gluvin a shade too enthusiastic like, but my buddy over in Rostock takes the blame for that.I muttered under the hairdryer, and listened to Kelly expounding the virtues of a de-tox diet.
It sounded horrible, I think I’d rather be pickled.
I regarded the interesting coloured streaks in me barnet, and hoped to God, she had picked up the right bottle.Kelly is well into these diet thingies, and I was nearly tempted – but not much, lots of Christmas goodies still stashed back in the kitchen.
We gazed at a magazine pic of Posh B, and agreed she was a stick insect – that’s one thing you could never accuse me of, and I agreed with me hairdresser that life is too short to worry. Of course the next time I get ideas about slipping into something slinky, I won’t be saying that, but it’s peace for now, brothers and sisters. But there’s more to life than chocolate (not much I agree)Today I signed up for the German Language programme online, ‘BBC Steps.’ I hafta get a few verbal swipes back at the Kraut in her own lingo. The first lesson is ‘Flughafen Tegel. Ankunft.’
(Tegel Airport. Arrivals.)Bugger, I need stronger stuff than ‘Guten Tag. Freut mich.’
(Hello. Pleased to meet you.)I require punchyness, I want verbal oomph.
Freut mich then.
The Kraut and I wanted the bright lights
We hit the fair with big ambitions, and the Big Wheel was the biz.
I loved it, we went up about 3 times that day and took photos like we were the flying women of Rostock. We looked down , yep, it was a long way down.
It was all the Kraut's fault.. the whole thing was her fault; left to my own devices I would not have gone wandering round Dracula's little place.
But Herself had ideas.
"Let's go there this evening" she hissed, all bright eyed.
So we did. After a helping mug of gluvine.
Herself did not approve of being jumped by the ticket guy, whose job it is, to scare the punters. It was OK when they did it to me. I screamed of course, and she thought that was ever so funny. Herself, screamed pretty good.
Plunged into darkness, we sorta flew over a trap door....and a hand grabs my foot. I screeched good and proper.
The Kraut was smugness itself "Of course I drew my feet up, it was a trap door." I protested that she could have warned me
"Of course something is going to come out of a trap door" she explained patiently.
Of course, silly me, its a trapdoor. Thanks Drac, thanks.
