The Contraction of Gonads

Some folks might think that I gloat over the misfortunes of blokes
If anyone is murmuring ‘No no, of course not’ all I can say is they haven’t been paying attention.




If any of you red-blooded males want to improve your chances of getting laid, all you have to do is leap into an icy stretch of water, do a few metres, and hey presto, there you are.


Pumping with testosterone, the idea is that you leap out of the water, beat your chest, Tarzan style and I guess the females find you irresistible. So says Tom de Castella, writing in the New Statesman.



Sold on the idea that leaping into cold water is good for you, Mr de Castella writes

‘Suddenly the leaves on the surface become icebergs, the swan on the far side is a Russian warship guiding me home, and the jetty is the Siberian shore full of waving Inuits….’

I find the spectre of a dripping wet, pimple- skinned male, quite resistible but then, Brad Pitt & co., don’t do it for me either

The icy water contracts the gonads, you know, and the testosterone...er...’pumps’
Quite so.
The enthusiastic Castella assure us that it works for women as well, but I’m not about to try it.

Check it out, do – without Me.

Yep.

Notes
‘Cold water, hot blood’
Tom de Castella. New Statesman 8 November 2007

Read the article online
Cold water, hot blood



Red Fred's Pics

'Father Christmas, Farts....'

I protest and object to Santa being told to slim down by the do-gooders who want our Claus to be svelte.
I quote "We want to make sure Santa is fit so he can deliver all the presents”



Eh?

Oh give us a break, and bugger off somewhere
What’s wrong with a Santa who has to struggle down the chimney, and might, just might get stuck?

This pearl of wisdom comes from some politically correct moron who told his 12 Santas, that they had to slim down, before they could work in his shopping mall



I’ve always admired the Father Christmas created by Raymond Briggs.

Santa is grumpy, he drinks too much, eats too much and he farts.
Sounds like the real thing to me.

Mr Correctness went on to say “There's nothing wrong with Santa being the size that he is, we just want him to have a modern day makeover to reflect the realistic demands of being the world's most renowned delivery man."

I detect ‘managementspeak’ and I don’t think they give a toss about the little kiddies (and the big ones) who are eagerly waiting for Santa (correctly FAT) to park his reindeer, gobble all the mince pies, and belch loudly by way of thanks

That’s how it is.
Yep.

Father Christmas by Raymond Briggs
Hardcover: 32 pages
Publisher: Hamish Hamilton Ltd (20 Sep 1973)

The article may be read in full here
Shopping centre keeps Santa fit