Thursday, June 30, 2005

It's Looney Tunes



Ok, merely to say that piles of paperwork have morphed into a real job, oh, yes, proper work you know, down the salt-mines again, yep.

On rare moments of breathing in the last week, I caught glimpses of the real world out there – or is it?
At the beginning of the week, get fairly transfixed by Government rumblings on car tax. Rather, use of car to be taxed say the Whitehall bods.

“Motorists to be taxed by the mile!” scream the headlines.

Quick as a flash Railtrack hit back.

Due to the expected increase in passenger use of the railways’, they announce without missing a beat ‘We shall have to increase the price of the passenger ticket’.

Game, set, and match.

So, this country wants us to go to work, right?
So, don’t matter if it’s the guzzling car, or the public transport, right?
Us the workers get clobbered both ways. This country is Looney Tunes, how does the economy work, if its folks can’t get to freakin’ work? Huh?




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Still, take comfort folks, the Yanks have looney tunes operating over there as well.

My ears are ok, I think they are, but I did hear Georgie Boy announce in a recent address to the Nation, that ‘ The continued insurgence in Iraq is due to 9/11, 2001’.



Ahh, no, no, no. Yes, yes, he repeated the theme, five times in that speech.
He kinda forgot the Yanks (and the Brits unfortunately) invading Iraq, staying in Iraq, not leaving Iraq.

Next time I meet the local voodoo lady in our neighbourhood, I’m gonna shake her by the hand and tell the old witch what a good job she’s doing. Yep.




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Saturday, June 18, 2005

The Dangly Bits of Mr Gough



"Naked rambler" takes girlfriend on nude UK walk
LONDON (Reuters) - A 46-year-old former Royal Marine who braved 14 arrests and five months in jail to walk the length of Britain wearing nothing but his boots sets out on Thursday to repeat the naked journey -- and this time with his girlfriend.


Well, what's wrong with the odd ramble? Might be rather chilly, after all June in England has not been quite the 'Med' climate the weather bods keep singing about, and the happy couple might end up like a pair of wrinkled prunes.

No law against that.

Given the way the road runners of Britain roar about our highways and byways with intent to deprive the rest of us, our freedom to life, liberty, and all four limbs, I can't see why the guy is a traffic hazard.
Apparently his nude ramblings have earned the intrepid Mr. Gough yet another arrest on that count.

"There are no laws in this country saying you can't walk naked," Gough said. "All it says is that if you are naked and you have an intent to harm, that's a crime. I have no intent to harm. I'm just going to walk from Land's End to John O'Groats."

Yes, that's all he's going to do – ramble a bit, starkers. Fine. Why don't the cops concentrate on the crackpots in their Range Rovers, complete with 'cattle- bars'?

Lock 'em all up and leave Mr. Gough to his walk, with all his dangly bits enjoying the fresh air. That's what I say. Yep.


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Saturday, June 11, 2005

Burn My Hat!



Thirty-sixth US president Richard Nixon can lay claim to a Welsh heritage, it has emerged.
Nixon, who resigned over the Watergate scandal in 1974, is descended from landed gentry who lived on what is now Wrexham's Caia Park estate
Nixon's genealogy - drawn up when he became president - showed he was a descendant of the 15th Century John Puleston
.


Can't say I was very pleased to read this – my dad's family are Welsh, dammit how dare this disgraceful Yank be Welsh, Yakky Dar an' all that?

It just ruins our image as noble Celts, standing up to the Norman krauts, strumming our harps as we get mown down at Offal's Dyke, or somewhere like that.

I'm really pissed off about this, I mean this was the guy that died a political death in his presidential campaign, after we got asked "Would you buy a used car from this man?"

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One look at his shifty (now Welsh) face and all the Yanks said "No way."

Everyone in Europe said "No way."

It's enough to make all good Welshwomen (and men) burn their pointy Welsh hats, so it is.

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Except for a Mr Ron Saunders of course, who told the BBC

"They do say that he was an excellent president and everybody makes a mistake."

Er, Watergate? Something about criminal behaviour, impeachment, resignation, Hmmmm?

Us Welsh don't, mate, not THAT sort of mistake


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Wednesday, June 08, 2005

In Darkest Brussels



Pausing briefly to lift my head from the pile of papers that represent my 'finding a job' quest, I was somewhat bemused by the latest EU games in darkest Brussels.
Signor Barroso, commission president, it seems is having trouble with his hearing.
I'm sure I heard the French snarl 'Non'.
I'm sure I heard the Dutch sniff
'Nei'.

But, swipe me, the cameras beam in on the EU Palace, out comes the great Broccoli leaf, beaming and nodding.
"Business as usual! " he utters, and all the lesser Brussels sprouts nod and beam in chorus.

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No problem, you bunch of cabbage-heads, the totally unwanted European treaty is just as shiny as ever, and we will of course be expecting Britain to have a quickie referendum and ratify, by the weekend would be good.

Uncle Tone is great at skidding backwards. Within hours we were hearing that we wouldn't be 'proceeding' for the time being, nod, nod, and Jack Straw, managing not to look amused, announced a 'period of sober reflection'.

Simon Jenkins, always an astute commentator gets it right when he says in the Sunday Times, that only in Brussels is democracy synonymous with 'disease.' As he points out, these Harvard clones might as well have been on the moon.

What planet are these people on? A thunking great 'No', and we have Jean C Juncker weepily saying that the peasants should be made to vote until 'they got it right.'

Hey? Did he miss the shots of the Dutch jumping up and down in the streets, and screaming with delight as they threw his horrible business plan in the gutter?

Never seen the Dutch so animated in all my life.

Amazing. Gives new life to that saying about 'popping yer clogs'.
Yep.

Reference: Sunday Times News Review 4. The Peasant's Revolt, by Simon Jenkins.
June 5, 2005.

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Thursday, June 02, 2005

Priase the Lord and Surf the Net




BT answers prayers of distracted UK congregation

LONDON (Reuters) - British telecoms operator BT Group Plc has wired up a church in Wales to allow the congregation to hook onto local high-speed Internet connections when they want a break from the sermon.


Jesus, I thought I was fairly bad when it came to hooking up to the net, but it looks like the Welsh are total addicts.

Praise the Lord and surf the Net.

Its true what my mate zaphod said, the Welsh always have the best news.

The vicar said “I have no problem with people quietly sending an email or surfing the Internet in church, as long as they respect the church."

Well, yes, give the good Lord a respectful nod and get on with the surfing.
Like the Vicar said “Got to move with the times.”


Yep, sure do man.


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