The generation of
tough Grannies belongs to a generation that grew up after the second
World War; I tell you, Grannies were made of iron and their rule was
iron as well.
The universal marker
seems to be that Grandmothers were small of stature but tough as old
boots; most of them lived into their nineties, and if children wanted
to survive, you did as
you were told, oh yes.
Grandma was viewed
with a mixture of fear and wonder: the rules of the house were laid
down by her, and everyone knew it.
down by her, and everyone knew it.
One such Grandma had
the dinner ready by the appointed hour, no if’s or buts. If any of
her
daughters were kept in at school, retribution was swift. Off came
the apron, and Gran
marched down to the school.
“You, the dinner
is on the table, home!” When the teacher protested the answer was
“You
have my girls ‘till four. After that it’s my time, not
yours.” So there; after Gran had broken
the teacher’s cane, I guess that teacher knew she was beaten.
I’m sure that
religion was a factor; God could see everything you did, so behave,
or else you
were in trouble. For that reason, children did all they
could to make sure that parents (and
Grandma) never got to find out what
their offspring were doing. God might, but that didn’t
matter.
Don’t get caught, words to live by you know.
That didn’t work
for one young lad who made a rough version of a sleigh with wheels
that
he nicked off a pram. After he and a mate had terrorised the
entire street racing down the
hill, no brakes of course, his Mum
seized an axe and chopped the sleigh into bits of
matchwood. She was
four foot nothing, obviously a Gran-in-Training.
They don’t make
them like that any more.
The lore of Grandma
is an old one: think about the story of Red Riding Hood. For pity’s
sake, the Grandmother is bloody terrifying: the core of this tale is
that Grandmothers are
terrible things, they want to eat you, they
have these teeth and you have to placate them
with gifts, mostly
food.
Someone back in the
mists of time was tortured or nearly eaten by a hungry Grandma. If
you
stop to count them up there are a lot of very angry Grannies in
those “fairy stories.’
Worried? Damn right
you should be.
No wonder kids look
at Grandmother sideways.
Just as I was sure
that tough Grannies are a thing of the past, I began to wonder –
talking to
one of the post war children, now a grandmother herself.
She had a run-in
with the grandson; before he went off in a huff she told him “I
won’t
forget, and I shall be waiting.” So she waited, and as he
floated past her in a teenage dream,
Granny jumped him. Oh yeah.
When asked why,
Grandmother replied “Because I did remember, and I am not stupid.”
Result – Grandmother 150 points. Teenage grandson – Null, Zero, Nada.
That child has learned a valuable life lesson.
'Don’t Mess With Grandma.'
Yep.
Yep.
