Thursday, January 18, 2007

Where the Monkey Keeps His Nuts



About time, Channel 4's programme, Big Brother, the pride and joy of media morons has landed in a heap of shit, I am so pleased. It’s such a crap idea for a television programme in the first place, it deserves to get canned, shredded and buried, without a funeral.

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It should go where the monkey keeps his nuts.

My mental health is threatened daily by news items about this heap of crap, and promotional clips on television add to the horror. I know it is doing me harm.

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Reality television it is not. Come to think of it, television programmers and reality seldom meet. The programmers of BB sure don’t, and they are wise to refrain from too much discussion. Their brain cells (the few they have) would go into meltdown

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I would love to think that the current furore signals the end of BB, but that’s overdosing on the hope thing. Remember kiddies, as you go to bed, where the monsters lie in wait, there is NO such thing as bad publicity.

Repeat after me, “There is NO such thing….”

I guess that condemns us all to further gut-wrenching nausea and chronic advanced boredom

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That’s how it is.

Yep.


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Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Let's start counting...



According to the BBC News Page, this country is awash with scores of absconding prisoners. I just mention this, in case you Yanks are thinking of having a little holiday over here.

Apparently, our director of the Prison Service had admitted that ‘he does not know exactly how many inmates are on the run from open jails in England’

Oh well, a few hundred criminals on the run, no need to worry eh? If you bump into one of the fraternity, just direct him to the nearest fuzz shop.

‘Phil Wheatley said there was no central system in place to count people who had been recaptured after escaping, but such a database would now be developed’

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Ahh this counting business, now that is a tricky one. Lemme see now, how shall we begin …”1, 2, 3..?”

But Mr Moses (now, now, no need to guffaw here, that’s his name) chairman of the Prison Officers Association, is a bright lad.


He said We know on a daily basis how many people we are locking up, so surely we should know on a daily basis how many people abscond. This is not rocket science."

There you are then, so start counting Mr Wheatley, not so difficult is it?


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Maybe the old methods are the best.
Yep.


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