Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Was that a Kracken?



It’s bad enough struggling with floods in this watery country, without having to contend with the Kraut as well
‘But’ I wailed ‘The Thames is going to burst it’s banks’
‘Got the wrong sort of banks’ (she has a point there)


She pours scorn on our most famous river, ‘It's not that long, is it?’
Goes on with many boastings about the superior River Elbe, which you know is much longer, and floods in a most superior manner.

That’s not all – apparently it flows through three kingdoms, three, mark you.
Can’t top that one, can we?

As for flood defences, forget it - we stick one sandbag in front of a door and think we are done there.
Didn’t mention that.

I can admit that I am hacked off with the television reporting
The tone is one of hysteria, and many, many, over-used adjectives such as 'tragic', ‘devastating’, 'traumatic'. Of course it’s bloody devastating and tragic.

Who the hell wants to see their home become a muddy hole?

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Far too many reporters rushing round the country, thrusting mikes under these folk’s noses, asking friggin stupid questions, like "How do you feel Mrs X, Mr Y?"
How do you bloody think?
Gutted.

I would think better of these morons, if they put their mikes down and picked up a spade and helped out.


We now have a rash, or a plague of TV journalists in brand new wellies (that’s rubber boots, to you Yanks) standing in the middle of a gurgling stream, telling us very earnestly that 'There is an awful lot of water here.'
Floods are like that.

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The clip I most enjoyed, was on our local TV station – there she was, earnest lady reporter, telling us how very deep all this water is and what happens?
Cheeky bloke walks up the towpath behind her…. and pinches her bum.
Bulls-eye.

Last word to the Kraut (who else?)


‘The Kracken….. would stay in deep water, but its got long, long arms, really long arms. Snaking underwater along the flooded streets.
Wiv big, big suckerplates...’

I think she was trying to frighten me.
Yep

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