Friday, December 30, 2005

The Offensive Handbag




Before heading for the wilds of Luton Airport, I carefully read the instructions,
“no sharp objects, no explosives, no contraband, and pack the case yourself” – I would just love to know who, but me, is going to pack the case, being rather lacking in valets and maids you know.

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I flew by Easy Jet, cheap and cheerful – and having checked that the handbag’s contents were blameless, and myself looked likeways blameless, arrived at Luton Airport.

Said goodbye to my bulging suitcase at the desk– the checkout girl, cheerful just as EasyJet promised, tried not to laugh, when she weighed it. It was pretty much on the limit.


Things went peachy; found the right gate, with the right plane, going to the preferred destination. I was a happy bunny, as I went through the security checks.

Until the security guy beamed in on me handbag – it’s just a handbag, black, blameless, and totally non- threatening.
Or so I thought.


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But Mr Security didn’t think so – I watched in horror as he grabbed the blameless bag, and held it right up.
“Whose is this?” he bawled, and I had to own up. Me.

The guy took everything out – my pen, my notebook, my purse, my specs case….my mobile, all my things were laid out on the bench. Then he produced a little gadget, and scanned the lot. He even read my notebook with all my passwords in it!
“Going to Berlin are you my dear?”
“Yes, holiday!”

With an offensive handbag you know.

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Mr Security repacked the bag – thank god he didn’t check my hand luggage; he would have found my bag of bottles and lotions, polyfilla and miracle cream.

Bloody Hell.

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Saturday, December 24, 2005

Charming a Lama - Maybe



Rostock was simply great fun – for Christmas, it’s a gas!

Serious stuff, these Christmas markets – don’t go if you are easily tempted. Nope, don’t.



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Eating is a must, I mean, you must eat there and everyone enjoys it….this a queue for potato cakes



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A man with lama advertises the circus…..



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I try to impress the lama

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I fail


And last but not least – The Hat



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I blame the Kraut – its her fault, totally and absolutely that I bought it – I will never get over this
And don’t play with my plaits.
Or else.
Trouble
Yep.


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Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Orff to see the Kraut



I 'm orff to see the Kraut tomorrow - she lives in Rostock, East Germany. Not sure how much cultural improvement I will acquire.

In a recent conversation, she said "This is NOT the time to diet!"

Oh hell, that does sound dangerous.

Better pack some waist expanding trousers then.

And that's before Christmas!

Help.

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