It’s bad enough struggling with floods in this watery country, without having to contend with the Kraut as well
‘But’ I wailed ‘The Thames is going to burst it’s banks’
‘Got the wrong sort of banks’ (she has a point there)
She pours scorn on our most famous river, ‘It's not that long, is it?’
Goes on with many boastings about the superior River Elbe, which you know is much longer, and floods in a most superior manner.
That’s not all – apparently it flows through three kingdoms, three, mark you.
Can’t top that one, can we?
As for flood defences, forget it - we stick one sandbag in front of a door and think we are done there.
Didn’t mention that.
I can admit that I am hacked off with the television reporting
The tone is one of hysteria, and many, many, over-used adjectives such as 'tragic', ‘devastating’, 'traumatic'. Of course it’s bloody devastating and tragic.
Who the hell wants to see their home become a muddy hole?
Far too many reporters rushing round the country, thrusting mikes under these folk’s noses, asking friggin stupid questions, like "How do you feel Mrs X, Mr Y?"
How do you bloody think?
Gutted.
I would think better of these morons, if they put their mikes down and picked up a spade and helped out.
We now have a rash, or a plague of TV journalists in brand new wellies (that’s rubber boots, to you Yanks) standing in the middle of a gurgling stream, telling us very earnestly that 'There is an awful lot of water here.'
Floods are like that.
The clip I most enjoyed, was on our local TV station – there she was, earnest lady reporter, telling us how very deep all this water is and what happens?
Cheeky bloke walks up the towpath behind her…. and pinches her bum.
Bulls-eye.
Last word to the Kraut (who else?)
‘The Kracken….. would stay in deep water, but its got long, long arms, really long arms. Snaking underwater along the flooded streets.
Wiv big, big suckerplates...’
I think she was trying to frighten me.
Yep
9 comments:
Of course the banks of the Thames are going to break - they are, after all English! It's a well-known fact that one shouldn't trust British banks *or governments, for that matter*. If you want yer banks to hold firm, get a Dutchman to do the work. If you want to keep yer money safe, however, put it in a Swiss bank.
Krakens are sea creatures - any one seen above Teddington Lock therefore must be an escapee from Loch Ness - if it has purple toes it's probably escaped from one of the Oxford universities.
What's Red Fred's position on wading through the soggy streets in her rubbers *or clingfilm...* Haw, haw...
Well Mr Nuthead
I have not met a firm Dutchman, as yet, but I live in hope
I place no credence in your posturings on the Kracken - the Kraut seemed to know an awful lot about it (perhaps she is one?)
Of course, there are several interesting uses of clingfilm (Memo: I must find a Dutchman) but I have no intention, of wading round Oxford, swathed in the stuff.
My position, as always, remains upright.
The Kraken (Craken monstrosoveribiggo K.)is indeed a sea creature. The Kraken has indeed first been described by the Kraut, that undaunted explorer.
It (the kraken not the kraut)lies in the deep before the shore and has the habit of letting it's arms trail into rivermouths and far upriver (specially short rivers)to seize hapless bathers and drag down canoes. Whenever a river breaks it's dam the Kraken's arms snake into the flooded streets to seize whoever paddles along there...
I would think better of these morons, if they put their mikes down and picked up a spade and helped out.
Best is... when they do the "I'm so compassionate and so really, really touched by all the devastation I see around me"
[Exit Camera]
then go off and fluff their hair.
OHara in Glorious Gloucestershire
As I suspected, Delicia has the final word on the Kracken.
I am sure that the seas of Rostock conceal various beasties which we knoweth not of.
(Except the Kraut)
I think that O'Hara of Glorious Glos, has been watching our Thames Region News, from the comments - in particular the rather yappy female presenter, who has done a bit of method acting, and perfected the 'Terribly Concerned' routine.
I'm sure she fluffs her hair as well.
This Kra(c)ken seems to be a newly discovered fresh water species. I hope it's gone for now and has consumed a reporter or two on the way (actually I think you are being a tad hard on journalists but I do see your point). Good luck with the clean up and the insurance claims.
Mad Dog
According to Mr Nuthead, the Kraken or the Kra(c)ken,is a sea creature, and could not possibly venture up the Thames.
However the Kraut has added her 2 cents:(again)
"The kraken won't come up da Thames, I didn't say it would, I said it will trail it's long long arms in, questing, probing.... seizing... an that it'll drag wot it's seized out to sea"
I guess she was trying to cheer me up *grimly*
My comments on the television jounalists, reflected the very poor standard of reporting, which lacked any sense of balence and considered opinion. Facts were in short supply as well.
On the whole, I think the local regional companies were the worst offenders.
All we need now is for the Kra(c)ken to get Foot & Mouth disease and you'll have a maliginancy of fluffed up, concerned, hacks and TV news models on your doorstep. Arrgh.
If you ask REALLY REALLY NICELY, we'll let the $hrub fly over and do a photo op as he looks at the floods from Air Force One.
or we could just change the caption for the one he did after Katrina....and we won't say tragic. ;)
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