I protest and object to Santa being told to slim down by the do-gooders who want our Claus to be svelte.
I quote "We want to make sure Santa is fit so he can deliver all the presents”
Eh?
Oh give us a break, and bugger off somewhere
What’s wrong with a Santa who has to struggle down the chimney, and might, just might get stuck?
This pearl of wisdom comes from some politically correct moron who told his 12 Santas, that they had to slim down, before they could work in his shopping mall
I’ve always admired the Father Christmas created by Raymond Briggs.
Santa is grumpy, he drinks too much, eats too much and he farts.
Sounds like the real thing to me.
Mr Correctness went on to say “There's nothing wrong with Santa being the size that he is, we just want him to have a modern day makeover to reflect the realistic demands of being the world's most renowned delivery man."
I detect ‘managementspeak’ and I don’t think they give a toss about the little kiddies (and the big ones) who are eagerly waiting for Santa (correctly FAT) to park his reindeer, gobble all the mince pies, and belch loudly by way of thanks
That’s how it is.
Yep.
Father Christmas by Raymond Briggs
Hardcover: 32 pages
Publisher: Hamish Hamilton Ltd (20 Sep 1973)
The article may be read in full here
Shopping centre keeps Santa fit
11 comments:
Oh my, -is it really Christmas already? I feel like I've just had my summer hols. I don't mind Santa being a fat, drunken bastard but I'd like to know the status of the digital camera I asked him for back in 2003....
Mad Dog, you should know better: it's your own fault for not leaving out the decent whiskey.
I expect you fobbed him off with 'Grouse' or summat
I hopes that Mr Correctness gets eaten by the Kraken.
I wish it to be noted and put on record that it wuzn't me who dragged in the Kraken first this time.
Mind you, zaph is perfectly correct in identifyin the Kraken's ample stomach as the ideal repository for everythin that smells of mind police. Yep. A thin and sober father Christmas? Oh my, it must take years of social studies to evolve an idea like that...
Is that Kraken still running around here? Eeew! I was hoping the slimey thing had buggered off for the winter...
PS I think I left out some of this for Santa: http://www.tomatin.com
Definitely one of my favourite tipples from North of the Border...
Delicia, you can wish all you like, but it usually IS you, that mentions the 'K' word
*glare*
I agree Mad Dog, I thought the beastie had taken off as well.
I'm sure such a generous offer will induce Papa Christmas to er....leave you, a nice digital camera!
nWell this time it wuzn't me mentionin K first, it wuz Zaph so why don't you go glare at him fer a change?*plaintively*
Krakens don't "run" by the way, even less do they run off, as Mr. MD here hoped. Au contraire, as the man said in the Bay of Biscay when they asked him if he'd dined. No, Krakens don't run off, they come on awfully fast, gollup, wollup, grab, gobble, gobble. Yesh dey do.
My uncle *Santa Krismus* says that eating krakens is good for you - they helps to build up the fat deposits needed to survive and supervise all them pesky elves at the North Pole *note: not Krautland*
He *Santa, not the Kraken* also wishes it to be known that teacakes would make a nice change from mince pies, and his preferred liquid refreshment is Irish whiskey or Baileys.
All you out there in RedFredLand please note...
Ho, ho, ho...
And Haw, haw...
p.s. There's nuffink wrong wiv a good ol' fart either.
Unkind peeple have occasionally compared even me to one - but only once... *you know who you are...*
The number of times Santa has utilised the principles of jet propulsion to escape from tight chimneys is without number.
And guess what?
Krakens can't fly!
Haw, haw...
I don't believe that 'Uncle' has anything to do with Krakens or teacakes
And I'm sure that Krispy Kirk knows all about 'farts', old and new
(so that's how Santa got out of the chimney)
You want me to glare at Zap?
Certainly
Zap....*GLARE*.....
So that's that - *folds arms*
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