Blokes live in delusion- they do. Blokes say things like
’I’m going shopping’
Excuse me? What is this ‘Shopping’?
I’ll tell you. It consists of buying socks, just bloody socks.
This is how it works.
Walk in to the store. Turn left, go to sock counter, obtain black/brown socks, which are IDENTICAL to all the other socks that are nestling in the cupboard back home.
For you Yanks, I’m talking about your bedroom closet. Got that? Good.
Then they look at you and say they’ve been shopping – for God’s sake, you could get that much of a thrill going to Tescos (Yank-speak= Grocery Store, Wal-Mart, whatever)
Try saying words like “And what about looking around the store?” and you are an alien. What for? Why look, when I, (The Bloke) know what I want.
Yeah, yeah, we know – Black Socks
Oh sorry – I forgot. Sometimes blokes branch out… and guess what?
They buy ‘Black Shoes’ just like the shoes that they..yes, you have it, just like the ones they bought last year.
Walk in to the store. Turn left……
Yep.
16 comments:
My, what a fine rant you have here, Red Fred. It illustrates wonderfully how the inept female brain does not cope with the ruthless efficiency and economy of effort of the male psyche.
To develop such clarity of purpose and effectiveness of acquisition should be the goal of every gal.
No more *does the puce or the claret look better on me? Which makes my bum look smaller?*
NEITHER! you'll still be a fat-arsed goddess...
And don't get me started on women choosing cloaks and hats, 'n dresses, 'n jeans, 'n tights 'n SHOES!
Oh my Gawd, how the list goes on...
Shopping? Pshaw.
The last refuge of indecicive, confused women, I say.
Guess I'll sit outside looking glum wiv all the other downtrodden men.
Or maybe a quick visit to B&Q? *face brightens* Hmmmmm...
Haw, haw... *scuttles towards parking lot* cackle...
There is no such entity as an ‘inept’ female brain, *coldly* and I suggest Sunshine Sam, that you absolutely RUN for the car park, if you want to go on living.
I think you would look very nice in a puce dress - *decisive smile *
It will do wonders for your complexion.
So, you've been shopping? All this time I've been searching for where you put da Sniv and you've been buying socks?! You'd best get that Sniv bum back here, missy!
Bloody Hell... the queen of the Bat Boobs appears; (you need to pump the left one up, btw)
I don't go buying socks,*aggrieved*..I do 'serious' shopping, I do!
Hmmmm..I have to admit that I have never ever not once bought socks. In my entire life I have never done such a thing.
My wife does that sort of thing for me.
Buy socks ? *cackle* thats womans work.
Wot? Wimmin to buy socks? Surely you jest, zaphod old son.
You'd have holes in yer socks and scuff marks on yer soles before the'd even decided what color would go wiv yer oil-streaked white T-shirt.
Best to do it yerself *soulfully*
Heh, heh...
Obviously zaphod's Missus doesn't trust him to buy socks (she's proabably right)
As for you Sunshine, you will be getting abrasions that you never dreamed of. *rubs hands*
Match those black socks of yours, nicely....
Oh yes, I did buy some shoes yesterday; and they wern't black...haw haw haw
It's my blog and I can 'haw' if I want to....
I finds that wimmen userly buys me socks fer birthday an crimbo prezzies. I get so many I never thought of buying me own.
*Ponders deeply*
This is awful - what is it with all this 'soulful' bit....and 'ponders deeply'
Is this 'Bonding' or something sad like that?
Any way, Blokes don't think deeply...or soulfuly, or at all.
They just buy socks.
What is wrong with buying socks??:???!!!!! @@@@@!!!
Ask Dumbledore!
Wizard wanderers need LOTS of socks (because they wander so much,they USE them!) Sheeeesh!
Any way, Blokes don't think deeply...or soulfuly, or at all.
Oh how can you say such a thing...we think all the time..football.playstations..porn..
Get some boots Gandalf!
Think? Blokes don't think, they 'Gravitate'
After reading this post I'm more perplexed than usual. I buy two packs of half dozen black socks once a year. I buy a new pair of Rockport deck shoes once a year. also. This seems an efficient and logical process especially now that I can conduct it online. Does anyone want to "shop" more than this? I throw out (or use as polishing cloths) nasty old socks and if the Rockports have any life in them at all I donate them to Goodwill/Thrift. I don't see the problem other than I'm a bloke...!
Oh well said Mad dog...myself I prefer trainers though...white ones
Right on, bruvvas.
It is obviously a manly trait to purchase socks 'n shoes of sober and upstanding hue, in an economical, efficient manner.
After all, why waste perfectly good drinking/fishing/golfing/car mending time shopping? Pshaw!
The ladies are only too pleased to have us out of the shops and at home when the fridge or washing machine breaks. N'est ce pa?
Haw, haw... *cackle*
What IS this? The gathering of the Brethren or something?
Obviously, MadDog, you are among friends here, (never mind Zap's white trainers )- in no way, is this 'Shopping' as practised by females. Nope.
As for you Sunny Sam, what happens is this, when machines break down
Bloke: 'Hmmmmm'
A 5 minute pause.
Bloke: 'Ring the engineeer!'
Yabba dabba dabba.
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