Thursday, April 27, 2006

The Scream of the Bladder Wrack




How did this holiday end?

With a damn great scream, but I digress. I have to explain the bladder wrack.

The little place where we stayed was delightful. The Pirate loved it, the shores were stuffed with bladder wrack.

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He enthused over its glutinous, slimy, and gelatine qualities, its gleaming nodules, its gloopy surface.

He promised with a total lack of sincerity, not to say veracity, that he would never bring the weed anywhere near me.


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But I wasn’t deceived; before I got into bed, I sure checked everywhere. No weed, and the Pirate smiled. Bad news is that.

Harmony was maintained – we explored Havorfordwest, which was closed, until Easter. I mean everything was closed, and that includes the Tourist Office.


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The sun shone, and we explored the lovely old castle of Manobier, near Tenby. Which was open, and didn’t seem to mind about Easter.


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Who says old stories die? Wandering around the long corridors,

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it’s easy to believe in these old legends. Mind you, did find some ‘lurkers’ up to no good, as usual.

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A jewel of a place

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Ignoring Piratical mutterings of ‘Why don’t you try out the dungeon for size?’ We finished being tourists, and headed back home.


I got back to Oxford, apparently bladder wrack free. But I forgot all those warnings you get at airports ‘Don’t let anyone tamper with your case! Don’t leave your case unattended!’

I left my suitcase unattended, I even let the Pirate put my case in the car. Silly me.

Still in post holiday haze, I opened me case.

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And screamed.

There it was, a large mass of wet bladder wrack, nestling on top of me clothes, fresh as the day the Pirate had plucked it from the sea.

Needing a nice cup of tea, I picked up my mug. A large hairy spider was nestling in the bottom. I screamed some more.

I know just how this guy feels.

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Yep, 100% empathy.



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5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ooze this pirate, then?
Don't you know that the World Health Organization reckons all seaweed is edible.
While it may not be quite as welcome a gift as an ice cream desert, I'm sure the intention was benign.
And it's better than popping bubblewrap, 'cos when you pop the bladders it's good fer your skin, ladies...

Red Fred said...

Well Sam, Honey, Kelpy Baby, if that was benign, then Jack the Ripper was the Christmas Fairy.
*narrows eyes* you seem oddly familar, be careful, Very.

Unknown said...

Always moanin..you is always moanin.

Red Fred said...

Moaning? Moi? Ohh you mean I should be HAPPY about a case of seaweed?
OHHHhhh, silly me, tsk.

Unknown said...

I spose that you would moan if I was round your house and left a tin of maggots in yer fridge prior to goin fishin...

Ho hum..Thanks muchly fer me birthday card though.

*beams*