Friday, June 29, 2007

Ring My Bell


It's not only females who read advice columns. Blokes do as well, but some of this stuff is rather suspect.



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Sometimes it can get blokes into trouble – and a clip round the ear.

Or worse.

Take this advice for those of you who aspire to being good kissers.

He suggests that you ‘lean forward and gaze deeply into her eyes, you keep leaning forward, looking deeply…’

No, no, no, all a female will do, is worry about her make-up, worry lines, spots, and so on.


You get the picture. If any bloke started on me, like that – it’s time to go.

And then? You draw back, very slowly gazing all the time into her eyes: if she is still with you, and not running for the bus, of course.


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By the time you are moving in on the final lunge, she’ll be doing ‘Phone a friend’


This week, it looked like a good subject. 10 compliments that wow a man. Have to say, I’m not sure about this one


‘Your arms are definitely looking bigger’


Really, I don’t think it would be his ARMS that would generate this particular compliment.

Think about it.


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My excuse for this pic is

(1) He has got big arms

(2) The Kraut likes him

(3) I like him


Yep.


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11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yup, he HAS got big arms
AND a big chest
AND a chiselled chin
And he also has a really, really broad back,an is-this-an-eclipse sort of back
AND well shaped thighs
AND...
AND...
and good calves to those thighs
Da sniv is perfectly correct in her facts, yesh I likes Dolph...

Red Fred said...

In fact, an example of collective good taste *smugly*

Unknown said...

Wot is that piccie of me doin on yer blog ???

Red Fred said...

Erm....don't know what to say Zap, er, you kept your talents so well
'hidden'
Amazin.... *scratches head*

Anonymous said...

Oooooh, yeth.
He IS BIG! If I want a girl to kith me, I give her flowers *color to match her drunken, florid complexion* ice cream and chocs *to fill her belly up so's she can't find the energy to run away* and copious amounts of alcohol.
And take away her spectacles.
That does it for me.
Yep.
When I can't get Dolph, that is...
Haw, haw...

Red Fred said...

Firstly, Mr Sweetie, I suuthgest you geth your teeth fixed.

After that, maybe you could get help for some of your ..er...more 'personal' problems.

I'm surprised you don't shrink-wrap the unfortunate females, who fall your way.
Yes.

Anonymous said...

My, how harsh you are, Red Fred.
Anyway, Dolf pinched that costume and pose from Brian Blessed in that Buck Rogers film *Ohhh, he was so-oo-oo camp. Such hairy thighs...*
As for your suggestion I should shrinkwrap my ladies - How did you know I use Tescos clingfilm attached by tiewraps instead of condoms? *sniff*
I shall away and sulk.
So there.

Red Fred said...

Dear Mr Sweaty
I believe the cling-film from Sainsbury's is of a superior quality.

Mad Dog said...

This Dolph-fixation thing is troubling. I'm off to the gym as all this talk about arm girth is making me feel inadequate and insecure....

Red Fred said...

Never mind Mad Dog - off to the gym: I'm sure that will fix it *tries not to laugh*

Mad Dog said...

You're quite right, RF. The gym won't do it. Anybody know where I can score some steroids...?