The Baked Bean Hero

I guess when it comes to being original but weird, the British must be near the top of the list.
Who else would think to use Baked Beans as a deadly weapon?
Quite so, no-one would – except Hugh Grant of course.



‘Actor Hugh Grant has been arrested over an allegation he attacked a photographer in London, before throwing a tub of food at him.’
BBC News Online, April 26th, 2007.

Of course, Hugh Grant is not the brightest bean in the can, and mistakenly thought of as the quintessential
Englishman: (feeble of chin and intellect)
But with that ‘boyish charm’ you know. Translation ‘Forgot to grow up’

So to anyone who has the hots for our Hugh… tough luck, and try cuddling a bag of frozen peas. It’ll give you the general effect.

Reading an interview our Baked Bean Hero gave to some newspaper, I was not surprised to find that Hugh finds women ‘Incomprehensible’



Yeah, that figures. Far too many blokes around like him, who won’t make the effort to work it out for themselves. So how do they impress?
Throw a can of beans.
Or ask their Mummy what to do.

Yep.

Don't Sit Next To Me

I think folks should learn the etiquette of how to sit down and not make pillocks of themselves – I am referring to the lack of manners I see every day on the bus.

Let me explain

I am a fairly small person (and anyone who wants to comment on that, can take a hike)

As I was saying, I am a fairly small person, and when some large lout takes the seat next to me, that doesn’t give them the right in invade my personal space, by sitting much too close, or make horrible noises in my ear.

And I don’t want their kids to kick my leg and leave baby sized imprints on my freshly clean black trousers. Go kick your own mother, I’m sure she deserves it.




I don’t want them to chew their breakfast in my face, nor they should gulp, belch, scratch, or do the rhythm thing, because they are listening to some crap on their IPod.

For Christ’s sake, why can’t the idiots just sit there, and stare blankly out of the window, like I do?


And as for the bimbo who sits next to me, and chatters non-stop on her mobile – baby, have I got plans for you.

I have to say, blokes are the worst; just hafta spread themselves about don’t they? Legs, arms….yeah, lets take up all the space we can….Now, where shall I put my size 12 feet?



I could tell you, but it wouldn’t be legal

And to the geek who thought he could flap his newspaper in my face…..think again you friggin’ moron.

So to all of you mentioned here, have a good day. And don’t sit next to me.
Yep.

Don't hold yer breath...

Vatican under pressure in John Paul push

The first stage in the beatification process that could eventually lead to sainthood, closes on Monday, the second anniversary of the pontiff's death.

At the centre of the case for beatification are claims by a French nun that she has been cured of Parkinson's disease by praying to the late pontiff.

BBC News Online


I do like the subtle note of doubt introduced by the BBC’s headline, and would suggest that the whole thing reeks of ‘fixing’. Ahh, you say, an unbeliever.

Damn right.




All very convenient, this sainthood stuff –Jean Paul, who was more or less chained to the Papal throne in his last few years, instead of being allowed some decent oblivion in a nursing home, was rather keen on blessing and holyfying

So now, it’s his turn.

And guess what, with perfect timing, a French nun, declares her self ‘cured.’ (Of Parkinson’s)

Why is it always a nun? Huh? What about the rest of us, don’t we deserve a slice of the cake, or does God just reward the chosen few, the ones who spend all their time paying their religious taxes?

Ok. It’s just the chosen few.




If it’s miracles the Vatican are looking for, I can suggest one – fine, turn me into a tall leggy blonde with legs up to ‘here’
Then I’m a believer

So let’s all pretend that neither politics or pushy Polish prelates have anything to do with this canonisation of a rather conservative and difficult man. Sorry, Pope.

The last word goes to Church historian Professor Michael Walsh
“Saints can be very difficult to live with - they don't go in for compromise."

How true

And I’ll wait for this miracle, legs up to here, blonde, ect – and don’t hold yer breath.
Yep.



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