Before Santa climbs down your chimney this Yuletide, I suggest you dampen the embers – a red hot arse is no way to impress the old man.
List of prezzis should be neatly typed, none of your spidery writing with ink blots, the result of too many whiskeys, and keep it short.
You try lugging round a sack, filled with Ipods and laptops, see how you feel.
My tip for successful Sants grovelling, is – forget the bloody milk, a decent glass of malt, and some nice cold grouse with game chips (to the hoi polloi, that’s crisps)
Oh yeah, keep the fearsome hound locked up in the coalhouse.
Father Nicholas will be making some very unholy remarks if ‘Fluffy’ sinks canine choppers round his private parts, or anywhere else.
This cold weather can make a chap remember his bladder – post clear signs to the bathroom, or you might find Santa putting out the embers, all by himself.
I’m orff to find the whiskey, I mean pour some out for Santa
Happy Christmas to everyone, (and with gritted teeth) that includes the Kraken groupies.
Yep.
3 comments:
I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and Santa brought you everything you wanted.
And for the Kraken groupies (persistent buggers, aren't they?) I should point out that I blogged on this very topic a few years ago. See here: http://self-preservationsociety.blogspot.com/2005/09/oh-bugger-now-im-never-going-scuba.html
Santa was very good this year, MadDog, so I am quite happy about the old man!
Ahh well, you know all about the K creatures then!
I've had a deep rooted phobia of these slippery slimy monsters of the deep since childhood.
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